Too old for this $#!†

Cast

December 2023
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Bambii Springs

Bambii is the current pilot of the FSS-CH7. Despite being a member of a SNAT that most Hellcats consider “cursed,” Bambii generally maintains a cheerful demeanor and optimistic attitude. She is prone to falling in love very easily with the men that she dates. Unfortunately these men seem to frequently meet untimely ends. As such, she has not quite yet found the soulmate that she has been searching for. Bambii recently lost her left arm in a Swamp Zombie attack. It was replaced by a bionic prosthesis designed by Sarah.

Comics: 85
Recent Appearance: Spit Balling!
First Appearance: Too old for this $#!†

Ensign Matt Matthews

Matt Matthews, along with his twin brother Mathias, is a member of the cursed Matthews family. The Matthews family has a longstanding history of dying in unlikely accidents while partaking in adventures. After Matt’s father was killed on one of these adventures, his mother forbade her children from doing anything dangerous. However, like all members of the Matthews family, dreams of greatness eventually overcame him and he joined the Transuniversal Intergalactic Tranquility Squadron as a Cosmic Hellcat serving as an analyst on the CH-7. Matt’s crewmates (including Bambii, with whom he had a brief sexual affair) find him generally forgettable and have trouble remembering his name, usually referring to him by his rank, Ensign, instead. This causes him no shortage of aggravation. He was killed soon after joining active duty on the CH-7 by a Swamp Zombie.

Comics: 14
Recent Appearance: Brother vs. Brother
First Appearance: Too old for this $#!†

Hindenburg

Hindenburg is the Artificial Intelligence that controls the shipboard computer of the FSS-CH7. Like all felinoid smartships, the neural network that forms his AI is sentient and capable of independent thought, learning and emotion. This design is intended to make the smartship feel a kinship with the team by causing it to consider itself a member of the team. Unlike Fluffy, who basically rejects this programming, Hindenburg follows it to an extreme, being willing to sacrifice himself for the crew in even the most benign and trivial crisis. Because of this, the hull of the ship has been destroyed or in need of substantial repair more times than any other smartship in the fleet.

Comics: 18
Recent Appearance: I
First Appearance: Too old for this $#!†

Nikki "Shipwrecks" Kitai

Nicolette Kitai served as a cadet amongst the legendary CH-13 along with Amaya and Chaste. While generally considered to be a less than effective soldier, she, along with the other cadets, was instrumental in the defeat of legendary space pirate Gorthon Z’Rxnrz. When Amaya was given her own command, the Squadron decided not to transfer Nikki along with Chaste and Amaya to the CH-9 because they considered her lesbian crush on Amaya to be a liability. Instead she was transferred to the CH-7, which she eventually became captain of, primarily through the mysterious deaths of her crewmates until she was the ranking officer. Because of her constant misfortune, other members of the Squadron often derisively refer to her as “Shipwrecks.”

Comics: 76
Recent Appearance: Superstitions...
First Appearance: Too old for this $#!†

Roger Glover

Roger Glover was a longstanding member of the legendary SNAT: CH-13, having joined the unit, then officially codenamed the “Meowing Commandos,” during the Third Intergalactic War. When the CH-13 was retired, he was reassigned to finish out the end of his active duty career under the command of his former cadet, Nikki Kitai, aboard the CH-7. The Squadron was hoping that he’d be able to keep an eye on her and help protect the team. Unfortunately, Glover was killed in a surprise pirate attack on his ship a mere three weeks before he was scheduled to retire.

Comics: 7
Recent Appearance: From the McGuffin Comics Vault: 1938 II
First Appearance: Too old for this $#!†