Dear Sarah, my roommate says that this girl in the elevator
was coming
on to me, but I never even noticed her. How do I know when a woman is
interested in me?

Perplexed in Pittsburgh


Dear Pip,

You know, I’ve never really
understood human behavior.  I mean, if
you’re interested in someone, it seems pretty obvious to me that you should
just show them your boobs. Especially if you’re in an elevator! There are so
many possibilities…

But I guess your planet’s social
mores prohibit this sort of exchange, so women have developed coy strategies to
announce to you that they are interested. Most of this has to do with facial
expression, which probably explains why men are always so confused – how many
times are you really looking that hot girl in the face? I know I don’t.

I would say the easiest way to
tell is to pay attention to her eye gaze. Is she looking you in the eye while
you are conversing? Is the exchange between you easy and fluid? If yes, she’s
not into you like that. If she meets you gaze fleetingly – casting her eyes
down when you make eye contact, only to look back up to see if you are still
looking, then you know there is interest there.

The other super easy way to spot
interest is touch. Does she touch you when she doesn’t have to? No, not like
that (although that is certainly an obvious answer) but instead, does she touch
your arm when she talks to you. Does she let her hand linger a moment too long when
she taps you to get you attention? These are also key signs.

The only problem, of course, is
that it’s so much more fun to stare at her chest.